2013 Mullah Show: A very Informative Milestone

The 2013 Mullah Show became an important milestone in Iran’s history. Now, many say: “This British Mullah, Rohani, is [not important]. But the bad guys’ retreats and their concessions to Iranians is very important. It’s a great victory. We congratulate Iranians. Their protests, their election boycotts, their wisdom, their pain and suffering, and their deafening silence have changed many things”. We will write about the interesting meanings of the 2013 Mullah Show later, but here lets take a look at a fictional story that is based on some true stories. It’s about the UK, the US, their stooges, and their role in the 2013 Mullah Show. It looks like an imaginary situation, but in Iran, many believe that the reality is really like such fictional stories.

Act 1 : The Cup of Poison

James: “We are in deep shit. The Iranian people have become aware. What’s your plans?”. Gareth: “The Company, our agents, and our media can fool and brainwash all people. Our old tactics still …”. Ion: “But Iranians have become aware. Old tactics are not useful and …”. Tony: “The British tactics are always useful. Britain has always used old tactics, and we have always succeeded in brainwashing people”. Kate: “But the 2009 coup has changed many things in Iran. We need new tactics, new agents, and …”. Susan: “No. our old whores are still attractive. They still can manipulate people. Iranians are stupid. Here in the West, we can …”. Ion: “But your old whores are not attractive to Iranians inside Iran. No one takes them serious in Iran”. Kate: “Yah, the VOA, the BBC, the Manoto TV, etc have lost their audience in Iran, and people laugh at them. Your websites -Balatarin, Gooya, RoozOnline, etc- and your old whores only make people laugh. We need new agents”. James: “What’s your plan? How the West and the Mullahs can drink the cup of poison, make a nuclear deal, and call it Political Epic?” Ion: “We need new spies in Iran, inside the Iranian universities. They should brainwash kids. By talking about the 2009 protests, they should pretend that participating in the election shows is Protest! We should pretend that this British Rohani is a hero, and other candidates are bogeymen. We should pretend that people love Rohani”. Kate: “Our spies should aim at immature kids, who are less than 22. We can fool little/ immature kids. We should pretend that boycotting election shows or any real protests is not useful”. Ion: “But old whores cannot manipulate Iranians. We nee new agents”. Gareth: “But do you think you can fool many Iranians?! Most Iranians will certainly boycott this election show. We still should tell big lies, and …”. James: “OK, we use both old tactics and new tactics. Each group should have an action plan. And the Big Brother has a clear message to all of you: Just set the stage for the Cup of Poison”.

Act 2 : Ignorance is Strength

Susan: “Here in London, you all can understand me. But in Washington, the idiots cannot understand us”. Behruz: “The stupid Americans don’t know that we still can fool Iranians”. Davar: “We just need money. Iranians have no voice and no media. We still can manipulate Iranians. We can make this British Rohani a hero”. Behnud: “We just need more money. And we can prove that the Big Brother’s Mafia still can fool and manipulate Iranians”. Hajj Abbas: “And it’s exactly what the Big Brother wants. We can show him that his agents still can deceive people”. Susan: “Yah, but the US experts say that we are not able to fool most Iranians”. Behruz: “Even if it’s true, we still can pretend that most Iranians are stupid, and obey us. Who cares about the truth?”. Jobs: “The Big Brother thinks that Pretence is not enough. We are in deep shit”. Behnod: “But why? When all media say that Lie is Truth and Truth is Lie, we have no problem”. Susan: “Yah, we all should tell the same lies. Our media, from the Guardian to the BBC, and all Big Brother’s media outside and inside Iran, should repeat the same lies”. Jobs: “But it can reveal our secrets. It’s what frightens the Company and the Big Brother”. Davar: “But we can say that what people know or say is a conspiracy theory”. Hajj Abbas: “Yah, those who tell the truth are like Uncle Napoleon! We can switch from a Jewish spy (like AN) to a British Spy (like Rohani). But what Iranians say about us is a conspiracy theory! The Truth is nothing but a big Conspiracy Theory!”. Behnud: “We can shed crocodile tears for Iran. We should pretend that spies are heroes; traitors are heroes; Tyranny is Democracy, and Rouhani is what Iranians want!” Jobs: “You guys are laughable. You disqualify your beloved Rafsanjani, your Imam Khomeini’s right hand man! And now you want to make a hero of Rafsanjani’s aide! But people ask about Rafsanjani-gate, the arrested opposition leaders, the 2009 coup, etc. The Big Brother hates the current situation”. Davar: “But Iranians are so stupid. Before the election shows, we encourage them to vote. And after the election shows we say that they don’t deserve Democracy, because they voted!”. Jobs: “Do you think old tactics still work?” Susan: “Yah, they work. We just should not allow people to understand how useful/ effective is Boycotting election shows or real Protests. We should make a hero of spies/ traitors like Khatami, Rafsanjani, Rohani, etc”.

Act 3 : Big Brother’s Mafia, British Tactics

Kate: “Here in Tehran, almost all Iranians hate the regime. Our spies should only try to create/ raise doubts among Iranians”. Tony: “We have a good list of big lies, and we all should repeat them”. Hajj Ali: “But shall we repeat Big Lies even at the risk of looking Ridiculous?” Scott: “Repeat Big lies until when even you yourself believe them!” Yavar: “Yah, it’s a well-know British tactic”. Javad: “Yah, we should learn from the Jewish Leveretts, who say: ‘All Iranians love the Islamic regime !’ We should tell such big lies even at the risk of looking Ridiculous. We should repeat our big lies until when we ourselves believe them”. Hajj Ali: “But It’s just remind me of Mullah Nasreddin !” Tony: “You should learn from our Jewish agents, the Leveretts, who say Black is White, and many Westerners believe them”. Javad: “Leverett, Chomsky and other Jewish agents are masters at telling bad lies. They say: ‘The West must tune out constant efforts to demonize Mullah regime’!”. Yavar: “The Leveretts see ‘these eight candidates’ as ‘one conservative and the most clear-cut reformist’! They say: ‘most Iranians believe they have meaningful choice in this year’s election !”. Hajj Ali: “But my son, these Jewish agents just reveal our secrets. These Jewish agents say: ‘Iran’s Presidential Election Will Surprise most people [!!] After the final debate show Jalili losing ground to his rivals [!!] Iranians hate Jalili !” (12 June 2013) But why the Company’s agents, who praised AN and Jalili, should reveal that the Big Brother wants to appoint Rohani?! They even say: ‘Since succeeding Imam Khomeini [!!] as Leader, Imam Khamenei [!] has ascribed high priority to maintaining balance in the system [!]’. The Jewish CIA should not say such things! Now, people ask: ‘Why do the CIA and the Mullahs say exactly the same things?!” Javad: “Don’t worry man. Who knows that we use Jalili as a scarecrow/ bogeyman?”. Hajj Ali: “But after the Mullah Show, you cannot simply say that people hated Jalili and rejected him. Jalili is equal to Basij, Sepah (IRGC), Mesbah, AN, and the whole regime. When you say that people didn’t vote to Jalili, you actually confess to the 2009 coup, and this fact that people hate your slogans, your values, and your regime. Jalili is AN. Jalili is IRGC. Jalili is Janati/ Mesbah”. Scott: “Yah, but we are in bad situations”. Tony: “Yah, drinking the cup of poison has its own risks. We are in deep shit”.


Act 4 : Repeat Big Lies and Pray to God !

Hajj Ali: “Now the Guardian, the BBC, the VOA, the Washington Post, the HuffingtonPost, the Times, the CNN, the ABC, the NBC, and all Big Brother’s media repeat the same big lies. It’s dangerous. It can reveal our secrets”. Tony: “Don’t worry Hajji. Repeat Big Lies and pray to God !” Scott: “We all must pray to God for help”. Javad: “I also pray for the Big Brother and the British Queen … Amen”. Kate: “OK, let’s finish praying. Nowadays many say: ‘Why should we vote? There is no Election. It’s a Mullah Game. It’s a British game”. Tony: “But what we say, not what they say, is important” Scott: “Yah, we can use our fake polls. Our agencies such as LLC (iPOS) can claim that 60% to 80% of Iranians participate in the election shows”. Tony: “Yah, we can repeat the 2009 scenario. But …”. Javad: “But we can always fool people. Don’t worry man”. Kate: “People in taxis -one of the most political public spheres in Iran- talk about our games. They know many things. It’s dangerous”. Tony: “But we can pretend that ‘the supporters of Rowhani tried to persuade those advocating banning the elections’ ! Don’t worry. Tell Big lies, Repeat them, and Pray to God!” Scott: “Most Iranians boycott this election show, but we can say that the Company’s data/ polls suggest that turnout is around 70%”. Hajj Ali: “The Company’s data?! You want to show Iranians that the CIA engineered the 2009 coup & the 2013 show! We should not allow people to know who is behind this regime”. Tony: “Don’t worry man. We can say: ‘Rowhani energized Irans young voters’. Who knows that most Iranians hate this British Rowhani. Westerners are so stupid. In 2009, Tehran was a real battlefield. Helicopters were all over the city. There was a real war. But we pretended that Iranians love Mullahs and the West! And non-Iranians believed us!”. Javad: “Yah, when Iranians said: ‘Gunshots, smoke and fire is everywhere. Heavy clashes are everywhere, at the main streets and the main squares. Many People Injured. Many People murdered’. We could fool Westerners into accepting this big lie: Iranians love their killers!” Scott: “Yah, we still can say, for instance: Tehran Bureau is a network of anonymous reporters inside Iran!” Hajj Ali: “But now many say: ‘Tehran Bureau is just a handful of the CIA/ MI6 spies inside and outside Iran’! Now, Iranians say: ‘Britain, America and Zionists are behind AN and the Mullah regime’ or ‘The Mullah regime is collaborating with the CIA”. Tony: “But we can pretend that it’s a conspiracy theory. Don’t worry Hajji. Repeat big lies and pray to God !”

Act 5 : God Bless Goebbels !

Gareth: “The Company’s polling organizations, including US-based IPOS, claim that 70% of Iranians love the regime. Our spies in Tehran must claim that Iranians are stupid”. Ion: “But many know that IPOS and Hossein Ghazian work for the Company. Many know idiots like Jason R. and other stupid spies in Tehran. No one take them serious”. Hajj Abbas: “It’s not important. We should tell big lies in a way that our master Goebbels can be proud of us!”. Kate: “But when this stupid Jason R. says: ‘Wherever Rouhani speaks there’s a frenzy. Most people love Rouhani’ or ‘Khatami and Hashemi put their support behind Rouhani. People are really excited’ (13 June 2013) Iranians only laugh at us”. Ion: “Yah, Iranians say: Those who write such Orwellian crap anonymously at the Guardian/ Tehran Beauru/ Washington Post/ AP/ etc are a handful of CIA/ MI6 spies”. Kate: “They even know that most of such Orwellian crap at the Guardian is written by Jason and the Company’s agents”. Ion: “Many know the truth, and it’s not good. Now our stupid spies say: ‘Even those who were undecided or completely set against voting are saying they want to cast a ballot [!]’ or ‘This morning things have changed 180 degrees [!!!]. It’s like someone put something in the water last night [!!] and this morning people are just different [!!]’ (13 June). But do you know how Iranians react?! They say: ‘This morning no things changed. But it’s like someone put something in your mouth/ your ass last night !!“. Gareth: But what Iranians say is not important. What our agents, the so-called journalists, say is important. Now they say: ‘You will not believe the election buzz in Tehran today. Everyone is talking about elections and who to vote for [!!] and everyone is advocating for Rouhani, and trying to convince people to vote for him’ ! (13 June). We need such big lies” Kate: “When Iranians hear our big lies, they say: God Bless Goebbels! The stupid spies like Jason tell bad, big lies. They badly reveal our secrets. We should fool and manipulate people without revealing our own secrets”. Gareth: “But now, it’s impossible. Iranians have become aware. We only can pretend that this British Rouhani is what Iranians want. We should set the stage for the Cup of Poison. We have no choice”.

Act 6 : Beg for Mercy, Big for Vote!

Jobs: “The Big Brother is so mad at you. His agents report to him: ‘In Tehran’s squares, supporters of Ghalibaf and Rowhani attempting to hand out flyers to passersby, but were largely ignored. At one point a group of 10 Rowhani campaigners began to chant ‘Our vote is for reform!’ But other people yelled at them: ‘Didn’t you all learn from the 2009 election? Shame on you traitors! What happened to your intelligence?‘. Most Iranians are not stupid. The Big Brother is so mad at you”. Kate: “Yah, what we see in Iran is a Deafening Silence, that is the calm before the storm”. Susan: “So, what we should do?”. Jobs: “We should ask Khamenei to beg for vote”. Ion: ‘Yah, He’d beg, borrow, or steal the votes”. Susan: “Begging for vote? What do you mean?” Jobs: “The Big Brother asks him to say: ”Maybe our people don’t want to support this Islamic regime. But they want to support Iran. So, I beg all people to come and vote in the elections”. Kate: “In fact, he should beg the anti-Mullah people, ie almost all Iranians, to vote for Iran! In this way, he/ we can drink the Cup of Poison in the name of Iranians!”. Susan: “But it’s not good that he begs for mercy”. Kate: “It’s you and your whores that took us to such point. The Big Brother is so mad at you”. Susan: “I do apologize”. Kate: “Very soon we can pretend that this election show was a referendum on Iran’s nuclear program!”. Susan: “I apologize to you, Kate”. Ion: “He must beg for vote, and our agents must say: ‘thousands poured on to the streets to show their support for Rohani”. Jobs: “If 2000 or 3000 idiots, whores and faggots go to the streets and support him, it would help a little, but …” Hajj Ali: “But it doesn’t mean that Iranians support this British Mullah. Even in Tehran, He has a few supporters, whose IQs is less than IQ-e Boz (Goat’s IQ)! We need a better solution”. Kate: “It’s true. But the idiots wasted our time”. Jobs: “We should only repeat that Boycotting Election Shows is not solution. And Khamenei must beg people to vote”. Susan: “OK. But he has already said: ‘A vote for any of these eight candidates is a vote for the Islamic regime and a vote of confidence in our system and our elections”. Kate: “We have no choice”. Ion: “We must confess to part of the truth. Our media should say: ‘Unlike the previous presidential elections during which the streets were turned into lively and colorful carnivals, with people engaging in unending debates, this time it is only silence, a Deafening Silence‘. I hope that we can fool many people by using such paradoxical tactics”.


Act 7 : When Lies tell the Truth

Susan: “OK. He said: Maybe people don’t want to support the Islamic regime, but they do want to support their country. So, they should vote’ (12 June 2013). Do you think it’s enough?” Jobs: “OK. Kate, what do your team say to people?” Kate: “They try to brainwash people by saying: We’ll vote. If they count the votes, then the guy we voted for will be president, and if they screw us again, we’ll take to the streets again!” Ion: “That’s great!” Hajj Abbas: “You love your own bullshits, but you hate what the Brits wrote at the Guardian. Today they wrote at their Editorial: ‘The election is not going to be boycotted by the opposition, and this can only be good news‘ (12 June 2013). It’s good or bad ?!” Hajj Ali: “Are you kidding?! It’s what the Brits wrote at the Guardian?!” Kate: “Unfortunately, the idiots reveal our secrets. The stupid Guardian has also added: ‘A consensus [!] is now forming within the green movement [!], whose leaders are under house arrest [!], and among prisoners [!!] a no-vote is a vote for conservatism[!]. Now, the election [!] is not going to be boycotted by the opposition [!], and this can only be good news [!] (12 June)”. Hajj Ali: “Idiots stupidly confess that Boycotting the Election Shows is a bad news for both the West and the regime?!” Jobs: “What do Iranians say?” Kate: “Now, they say: ‘In an Orwellian Editorial, ‘Iran: vote early, and vote often’, the Guardian of Big Brother confessed to what is the bad news for the UK and the West!”. Ion: “Iranians are not stupid. Now, they say: this fake opposition, Islamist-Reformists, is a British-made opposition! They know our stooges”. Hajj Ali: ‘When you tell bad lies, and when you don’t listen to any advice, it’s obvious that Iranians should say: ‘It’s the UK and the CIA that manages the Mullah regime and all election shows !” Susan: “But we still can pretend that it’s a conspiracy theory”. Ion: “But what can you do with people’s awareness? You cannot kill Awareness”. Hajj Ali: “Begging for vote, telling bad lies, etc have made Iranians aware”. Jobs: “What do Iranians say?”. Kate: “They know many things. They even say: ”Mullahs drank ‘the Cup of Poison’, aka the Cup of Shits ! (Righ-e Rahmat!) in 2009, when they killed people, betrayed Iran and Iranians, and listened to the CIA/ UK advice. A regime that kills its people and listens to the UK/ CIA advice, will drink the cup of shits!”

Act 8: The Last Supper

James: “Why are you depressed?! Yah, most Iranians boycotted this election show. But we won, too”. Jobs: “What do Iranians do?” Ion: “Iranians are happy, make jokes and laugh at us!”. James: “What’s their analyses?” Ion: “Most Iranians are silent, and just laugh! Only a few Iranians talk, and say it’s good that Khamenei didn’t appoint the notorious shits. It’s good that he tries to give some concessions, before it’s too. It’s good that he ignored IRGC’s candidates”. Susan: “Many say positive things”. Kate: “Shut the fuck-up, idiot. You ruined everything. The 2009 coup was a big mistake. You idiots made many stupid mistakes”. Jobs: “What do Iranians say?” Hajj Ali: “They just laugh”. Susan: “But we can pretend that Iranians love Rouhani, and are happy”. Kate: “Get out of here, idiot. We know what we should do. Shut the fuck-up, you idiot”. James: “Relax! Everything is fine. Ion, do you think that we can fool Iranians into forgetting the 2009 coup?” Ion: “No. it’s impossible. But maybe we can fool them into accept the current concessions as the first step in achieving Democracy”. Kate: “yah, maybe they can accept these concessions”. Hajj Ali: “It’s clear that all Iranians strongly support and defend Iran. But they don’t support this regime or the West. They don’t accept the Fake Democracy. We should make real concessions”. Ion: “Yah, Iranians want real changes. Now, they hate Khatami and Rafsanjani. They even blame Mousavi”. Jobs: “What we did was a controlled/ restricted retreat. We just want to keep Iran weak and unfree. And now Rouhani can aid us in destroying Iran’s nuclear program, but in the name of Iranians!”. Kate: “But Iranians don’t accept such things. Their Deafening Silence is the calm before the storm”. Ion: “Such a great nation is the Iranian nation. They have no voice and no media. But we cannot fool them. You should kiss their brains”. Kate: “What Iranians do is a miracle. Iran is the Cradle of Civilization. Maybe that’s why they are wiser than others”. Jobs: “Iran’s deafening silence frightens the Big Brother. I hope Iranians can accept our retreats”. Susan: “Iranian Wisdom frightens all of us”. Hajj Ali: “Lets forget our fears. I really wish Susan’s team could declare that Rohani’s votes is less than invalid ballots!, like what they did to Karrubi in 2009! It’d be a good joke”. James: “Ha ha. But now we need the Cup of Poison”. Jobs: “Will Iranians accept our new games/ concessions?”. Ion: “I don’t know. Iran is the land of Great Miracles“. Kate: “Iranians are laughing at us. But they accept real retreats/ concessions. Now the wise Iranians just laugh. They are silent”. Susan: “Iran’s Deafening Silence is frightening”. Ion: “They can accept real retreats, but I don’t know whether they accept our new games or not”. James: “OK. Lets wait and see what Iranians say/ do. But don’t be depressed. You set the stage for the cup of poison. Bravo!”. Hajj Ali: “But we should congratulate Iranians. Their protests, their election boycotts, and their deafening silence eventually forced us to give concessions to them”

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