A Chelleh Tale: Iran Yalda and Open Secrets

Yalda night celebration, aka Chelleh night celebration reminds many of the Iranian roots of Christmas. Last year, we wrote about Yalda and Christmas . At this Chelleh, lets read a short story about the 2012 Chelleh and the atmosphere of these days. At Chelleh/ Yalda night, the Iranian people spend the longest night of the year with family and friends, and tell or listen to many tales of the past and the present. It’s an ancient tradition in Iran. At Chelleh/ Yalda/ Christmas night, the Iranian people talk about everything, including the ‘Open Secrets’. In this year, the popular open secrets are the story of “Iran and the barbarian West”, “the bankrupt West and the bankrupt Mercenaries”, “Mullahs and the IMF plan”, “West, its mercenaries, and their Big lies”, “How Mullahs destroy Iran, with the help of the West”, “How Mullahs and West Help Each Other in Hurting Iranians and Destroying the civilized world”, etc. What you read here is a fictional story about such open secrets. It’s based on some true stories:

“When I went shopping, I saw many people who expressed their hatred of both the Mullahs and the West. They refused to buy Ajil (nuts and dried fruit) and boycotted Ajil. As a national product, the high price of Ajil is really ridiculous”, Neda days. Sohrab: “But Ajil is not important. People’s hatred of both the Mullahs and the West is so funny”. Homa: “People have become aware. The stupid West badly revealed its secrets”. Shiva: “Today I saw two uneducated and shallow guys who shitted on both the Mullahs and the West, but they thought that other Iranians are ignorant! It was so funny”. Kaveh: “When I see such people, I just say to them: ‘When people like you (idiots) are not ignorant, it means that all Iranians are aware of the truth!” Homa: “It’s a good point”. Shiva: “But most Westerners are so stupid. They think this Yalda (2012-12-21) is the end of the world!” Kaveh: “They are Mashang (super idiots )” Shiva: “Are Westerners Mongols (retards)?!” Sohrab: “They are like their savage ancestors who ate humans. They think that they are smart guys, but their stupid betrayals was just a godsend for Iranians. ‘Enemy can make a fortune …’ (Adu Shavad Sabab Kheir …)”. Kaveh: “Yah, their crimes and their betrayals was really a godsend. Before the 2009 tragedy, most Iranians that are young and educated, were pro-American and pro-West. They preferred to see the US and the West as ‘friend’ or ‘human’, not as ‘enemy’ or ‘animal’. But the stupid West proved that Iranians were wrong! The stupid Westerners are big idiots. They tell big lies without thinking about its disastrous consequences”. Homa: “Today’s West is bankrupt. Can you find a public figure in today’s West that is a real or wise intellectual?” Sohrab: “Their public figures are ‘intellectual mercenaries’ or ‘political whores’. People like Chomsky and Zizek are symbols of the bankrupt West”. Homa: “The bankrupt West has reached the end of the line. Most Westerners live like sheep, and don’t know the world and even their own problems”. Neda: “They live in a Matrix, like the Matrix movie ?!” Shiva: “Maybe. But I don’t know why their good guys and their wise guys say nothing and do nothing. I cannot believe that the West suffers from such level of ignorance, brainwashing, idiocy, etc” Kaveh: “Their wise, good guys are silenced, censored, or boycotted. Of course, their number is small”. Sohrab: “Many Westerners are like or worse than animals. They are so selfish and don’t care about other humans. As the ancient Iranians said: ‘If you have no sympathy for human pain – the name of human you cannot retain”. Homa: “The Western barbarians are Adam-Khor (human-eaters). But they think that they are better than the civilized humans! Adam-Khora and Malakh-Khora (Locust-eaters = Uncultured Arabs) are the same shits. They love ‘self-congratulation’, while they have a barbarian culture”. Neda: “Does it means that Iranians had no problem?! Isn’t it a racial or nationalistic comment?” Kaveh: “Persians were not saints or angels. But they were the civilized humans when the Europeans were barbarians and ate each other. ‘Iranians had many problems, but were not barbarians, human-eaters, or locust-eaters! (Irani-ha Har Gohi Budand Adam-Khor-o Malakh-Khor Nabudand !)” Homa: “It’s a good point. We should ask Why does the West say nothing about the Cradle of Civilization (Iran) and this undeniable fact that many good things in the West have Iranian roots?” Shiva: “Why do they falsify the past? Why do they tell big lies? really why?” Kaveh: “If Adam-Khora (human-eaters) tell the truth or care about the truth, you should ask why !” Sohrab: “Yah. The European Adam-Khor (human-eaters) love telling big lies. For instance, it’s obvious that Christmas and New Year ceremonies in the West have Iranian roots, but they still talk bullshit. Most good things in the West have Iranian roots. The West is the ancient land of Barbarians and Human-eaters. Europeans were Adam-Khor for thousands of years. They even could not think about the human values or civilized celebrations” Kaveh: “Yah, it’s obvious why many good things in the West have Iranian roots. ‘Human-eaters even could not think about good things!’ (Akhe Adam-Khora-o che beh een Harf-ha!)“. Homa: “The ungrateful West and their Orwellian media just tell Orwellian jokes about the Cradle of Civilization. The story of civilization shows that the British Human-eaters and the European Barbarians used to eat humans. Such savage beasts knew nothing about the human rights and human values. When Iranians were writing about Truth, Humanity, Goodness, Love, Kindness, Justice, Equality, Mercy, Morality, Vegetarianism, etc, Europeans were eating each other. But now, even the barbarians pretend that they were like or better than the Persians! (Dige Adam-Khora ham Vase Ma Adam Shodand !)“. Sohrab: “Even their God and their Good have Iranian roots, but the Western barbarians are so ungrateful and so mean”. Shiva: “God and Good have Iranian roots?” Homa: “Yah, Persian is the language of civilization. Khoda was pronounced Goda, and became God. And Khoob was pronounced Goob, and became Good”. Kaveh: “There is a serious and important relation between God, Good (Goodness), Love, Khod (the self) and Khoda (God) in the Persian culture. It has a long story and a long history. It’s one of the main Persian gifts to the mankind”.


Sohrab: “Please help yourself. Eat pomegranate, that is a symbol of Persia and Persian Chele”. Neda: “Folks, please eat or drink something and enjoy your longest night. Eat Ajil, and express your love of the West and the Mercenaries!” Shiva: “Can you see how the Mullahs don’t allow the exchange rate of foreign currencies to decrease? The rate of dollar decreased by more than 30%. But when the dollar rate was decreasing steadily in the market -100 to 300 Toman each day- the Mullahs deliberately didn’t decrease their state rate, and asked the market to stop decreasing prices!” Kaveh: “Yah, the market rate even reached the state rate, but the Mullahs and their Western employers didn’t like it!” Sohrab: “But it’s good that people saw how the West and the Mullahs help each other in destroying Iran and hurting Iranians” Homa: “It’s funny that the stupid Iranian expats and those traitors that are anti-Iranian [pigs] help the West and the Mullahs. When the prices were decreasing, they said that the prices are increasing!” Shiva: “Telling such big lies in English and in their English websites is one thing, but why did they tell such big lies in Persian and in the Iranian websites, while all Iranians inside Iran see and feel the truth?!” Sohrab: “Prostitutes like Masoud Behnoud and Mr. Balatarin have become bad whores. Like the old whores, they know that people know them well! So, they just serve the interests of their employers, and don’t save their face. The old whores just try to help their masters’ psywar, that is a shitty war of nerves”. Kaveh: “Their tactics are childish, stupid tactics. People have become aware. Now, Khatamists, Behnoud, Nourizadeh, and other British spies and Western mercenaries are as honorable as the old whores or the shepherd, the liar”. Neda: “The mercenaries tell big lies and there is no efforts by the Mullah regime to control the market and the prices. It’s so funny”. Homa : “I’m sure that Ahmadinejad is a Jewish spy and Khamenei is a British agent. Their mission is destroying Iran and hurting Iranians”. Kaveh: “Ahmadinejad is officially a Jewish agent! Many know it. His bullshit about the Western-made Holocausts, and his efforts to destroy Iran and Iran’s economy are not hidden facts”. Sohrab: “Before 2006, Mullahs said that the IMF is a Zionist organization!, and the IMF plan is a Zionist plan! But in Dec 2010, Ahmadinejad that is a Jew, implemented the IMF plan in Iran! And now after two years, it’s clear that the IMF plan was just a plan for destroying Iran’s economy and Iran’s national products”. Kaveh: “It just helped the West and the Western sanctions”. Homa: “Yah, all educated people saw how the West presented the disastrous results of the IMF plan as the results of the 2012 sanctions! The 2012 Sanction farce and the Mullah-made crises proved that why the West and the US supported this Jewish shit in 2009”. Sohrab: “The current dollar rate just converts the IMF plan into a ‘plot to destroy Iran’s economy’. When the dollar rate was about 1000 Toman, the Mullahs said that the gas price and other prices should be equal to the global prices, and it stops the smuggling! But now, the Mullahs deliberately set a high dollar rate, 2500 to 3000 Toman, and defend it!, and don’t say that this dollar rate just nullify their fucking IMF Plan. Now, the fuel smuggling not only has increased, but it’s more than the past 10 years!” Kaveh: “It’s obvious that Ahmadinejad, Khameni, Basiji thugs, and Islamists are Khaen (traitor), Dozd (crook), Mozdoor (mercenary), and Vatan-Forush (fatherland-seller). The Jewish Ahmadinejad destroyed many things. Now, even the Mullahs confess to it!” Homa: “The Mullah foolishness and the dollar rate is so paradoxical and funny. The lower dollar rate + the IMF Plan = Very High inflation + Destruction of National production and National economy. And the current dollar rate + the IMF Plan = Smuggling + Embezzlement + very low Purchasing Power + Destruction of Iran’s Economy!” Shiva: “Ahmadinejad and Mullahs are anti-Iranian mercenaries, and that’s why they slipped on a the IMF’s banana peel. Now, many talk about the IMP plan, the Sanctions, and the Mullah-made Crises“. Neda: “Iranians used Ajil (nuts & dried fruits) a lot. Ajil is a symbol of Yalda, but now, the Ajil price is between 30,000 to 50,000 Toman per kilo! Many have boycotted Ajil”. Sohrab: “Ajil is a domestic product. Its price should be a little higher than the price of fresh fruits. In the worst possible case, it should be 10,000 to 15,000 Toman. The Ajil crisis is a Mullah-made crisis. The Islamist, stupid bastards say: ‘our prices should be equal to the global prices’, but they don’t say that our incomes should be equal to the global incomes, too!” Kaveh: “The Mullahs are stupid mercenaries. The Mullahs and the Iranian expats are Mozdoor-e Dozari (cheap mercenary). Even kids know that when in Iran the incomes are 1/5 of the global incomes, the prices should be 1/5 of the global prices, too”. Homa: “Now, Iranians know that the West only love the idiots, the crooks, and the big lies. Only the Western Sheeple are big idiots” Sohrab: “Recently, a Western tourist truly said: Iranians have many problems like many of us in the land of milk and honey. Iranians are sad and angry. But are they weak or begging for mercy? Not in this lifetime, baby!” Kaveh: “But most Westerners don’t know that the Western sanctions is a bad joke, and just helps the Mullahs. Now, there is now a 300% gap between the market value of the Rial and its state level. The corrupt Mullah system repeatedly stopped providing foreign currency for the market, and this has delivered tens of billions of dollars from the pockets of our people into the Mullah pockets. It’s what even some Mullahs confessed to it. But most Westerners don’t know Hajj Hussein Obama! and his Basiji friends” Sohrab: “The state rate (subsidized rate) is available only to Mullahs, Basiji thugs, and their ass-lickers. As the Mullah media officially confessed: The CBI (Mullah Central Bank) was ordered not to provide foreign exchange to the market!” Homa: “Westerners are idiots, but Iranians are not like them. Recently, even the currency traders said: “We’re not selling or buying. Mullahs are playing with us”. And now, even the Mullah media confess: ‘There seems to be no serious effort by officials to resolve the problems. But why they don’t want to solve the problems?‘! Even the stupidest people know that the IMF plan removed the subsidies of food, fuel, utilities, and basic needs, and put them into the Mullah pockets. Now, most people ask: Why did the Mullahs implement the IMF plan, help the West, and destroy Iran’s economy ?“. Kaveh: “The West needed the disastrous results of the IMF plan, and showed them as the results of their stupid sanctions”. Sohrab: “And it says a lot about both the West and the Mullahs”.


Shiva: “The West is anti-Iran and anti-human values” Sohrab: “Apparently, Shamelessness and Foolishness are among the Western values! They support a tiny and bankrupt terrorist group (MEK) and prove that ‘The US is a stupid Bad Guy’. MEK is a very small group that is Marxist, Islamist, and Terrorist. The 99.99% of Iranians hate the MEK, but the US pigs support the MEK!” Neda: “The US is really stupid. Most Iranians were pro-American. Before 2009, most Iranians saw the US as their friend and as a symbol of the freedom and democracy”. Homa: “But now, Iranians are forced to see the US as ‘the land of pigs, and the land of Terrorists and Terrorism’. Now, many refer to USA as the United States of Assholes, and the main responsible for this situation is: the American Hitler and other US pigs”. Shiva: “Why are Europeans and Americans such idiots?” Kaveh: “All bad guys are idiots. In the world of bad guys, ‘friendship’, ‘trust’, ‘kindness’, ‘sympathy’, ‘love’, and also ‘better future’, ‘better life’, ‘wisdom’, ‘human logic’, ‘human values’, ‘real progress’, etc are meaningless. The friendship between ‘Mullahs and West’, or between Mubarak and West, Pahlavi and West, Saddam and West, etc is an Orwellian concept. The West just needs mercenary or Kleenex. For the West and other bad guys, friendship = disloyalty. They betray everything, even their family. In the world of politics or the world of bad guys, only power, shortsightedness, and short term interests are important. They live like animals”. Sohrab: “They are big idiots. In 2009, Iranians said to the stupid West: ‘Impose sanctions on the Mullahs, on the Mullah bank accounts, on the Mullah TV, on the Mullah officials, on the Basiji thugs, etc’. But the Western pigs and their mercenaries said: ‘Oh, do you think that the West is like Iran?! The SWIFT system and the banking system is independent in the West [!!] The media and the satellite system is independent in the West [!!] They are not puppets of politicians [!!]’ But in 2012, we all saw that their fucking SWIFT system, their fucking banking system, their fucking media and satellite system, and all their fucking systems are not independent, but are puppets of politicians!” Kaveh: “It’s a good point. The past 3 years badly revealed their secrets. In the pre-2009 era, Mullahs, Khatamists and other mercenaries said: ‘We live in a global village. Now, Independence is meaningless[!] Iran doesn’t need to have refinery, agriculture, and many other industries. We can buy our basic needs from the West. It’s cheaper [!]’ But now, many know that the Islamist mercenaries just severed the West’s interests”. Sohrab: “The Western betrayals and their stupid sanctions clearly proved that the West is not reliable or trustworthy. And Iran not only should be a strong and independent world power, as it used to be, but Iran should think about the payback time. Great Iran must pay the West back for what they did to the East“. Homa: “The West is really stupid. They don’t know that endurance, stubbornness, perseverance, adaptability and resilience, or simply, pride, is the backbone of this ancient country, and now, most Iranians are wiser than their western counterparts”. Sohrab: “Iran is older than history, and this ancient nation has suffered a lot from various disasters. This country, that is the oldest country in the world, has suffered a lot from external plots or pressures. But all enemies of Iran, that were enemies of the civilized world, had the same fate: They went to hell“. Kaveh: “The West has a short history of civilization and a long history of Barbarism, and it doesn’t allow them to think and behave like humans. The Western Chalquz (shits), that are Adam-Khor (human-eaters) and barbarians, fight against the Cradle of Civilization (Iran) and the Civilized world; they will be as successful as the savage Mongols, the savage Arabs, the savage Spartans, and other savage beasts”. Homa: “They are really idiots. When 57 million Americans vote for a stupid Mormon, it’s obvious that the US has become a third-world, backward country. Their current economic crises, and the systematic corruption and the systematic brainwashing in the West prove that the Evil Empire is badly bankrupt”.


Sohrab: “In these days, the story of the British nurse, the American terrorist, the mass surveillance and censorship and many other Orwellian jokes prove that what Orwell said about the UK and the West was true”. Homa: “But the Mullahs and also the anti-Iranian traitors in the BBC Persian, the VOA Farsi, Roozonline.com, Balatarin.com, etc desperately try not to allow the ordinary people to know the truths about the West. It’s so funny”. Kaveh: “Political whores like Behnoud, Nourizadeh, Abbas Abdi, Nikahang Kosar, Reza Papeh (Pahlavi), Mehdi Yahyanejad, Ebrahim Nabavi, Khatami, Rajavists, Pahlavists, Mullahs, Basijis and Khatamists are ‘Mozdoor-e Dozari’ (cheap mercenary) or ‘Roospi-e Dozadi’ (cheap prostitute). They are anti-Iranian pigs who just reveal the secrets of their employers!” Homa: “They remind me of those ex-CIA agents, Flynt Leverett and his wife, who badly revealed the secrets of the CIA-Mullah 2009 coup!” Kaveh: “And the stupid Leveretts and the ex-CIA agents remind me of Ronin. In that film, Robert De Niro’s role pretended that he is an ex-CIA agent. But do you remember what he said that at the end of the film?” Sohrab: “Yah, De Niro finally confessed that there is no ex-CIA agent! The ex-agents still work for the agency!” Homa: “In almost all Spy movies, an ex-CIA agent is a dead agent! and those who claim that they are ex-agents, still work for the agency. It’s informative!”. Kaweh: “Yah, and the same is true about the Mullah Gestapo, etc. The story of Ganji, Abdi, and other Khatamists are like the story of Ronin” Sohrab: “The story of Khatamists is also a shitty version of the story of Chomsky or Zizek”. Homa: “The mercenaries and the political whores in all around the world are alike” Shiva: “Recently, the Western mass media wrote: ‘We need politicians more than ever [!!] Anti-politics sentiment is on the rise, but politics remains the only way to answer complex questions [!!]’. Stooges are really alike”. Neda: “Many know that Politicians are less honorable then Prostitutes. But the Westerners still defend politicians? The West is really stupid”. Sohrab: “Recently, Alexander Alvaro, Vice President of the European Parliament and member of ‘Delegation for Relations with the Mullahs’! was asked: What impact have the EU sanctions against the Iranian people? And Alvaro said: The sanctions do indeed lead to restrictions for the Iranian people. And it is not in our interest [!!] ” Kaveh: “Yes, the EU betrayals, the EU sanctions, the EU Nobel Prize, and many other things made Iranians aware, and this awareness is not in the interest of the EU barbarians!” Sohrab: “Yah, the stupid Alvaro has added: ‘I think the sanctions are quite a useful tool [!] As an element of political strategy, sanctions are certainly useful [!]- if you conduct parallel talks as well [!!]‘. It’s so funny that the European barbarians confess that ‘their sanctions are useful, only when they can make love with their beloved Mullahs!” Shiva: “It’s obvious that the West hates the freedom, democracy, and human rights. Their secret talks and secret relations with Mullahs is so disgusting”. Sohrab: “The West loves the Islamists and the terrorists. Iran, Egypt and Syria can reveal the truth” Homa: “In Iran, even the story of the 2012 Olympic Games can reveal the truth. Did you see how the Mullahs destroyed Iran’s sports several months before the Olympic Games?” Neda: “Yah, It’s was so funny. It’s obvious that Mullahs are anti-Iranian puppets of the West”. Sohrab: “Mullahs just try to play the role of brake pedal, and try not to allow Iran to be a free, modern and strong country. It’s what the West wants” Shiva: “Mullahs and Basiji shits are badly bankrupt. More than 90% of Iranians hate them and spit on them. What would happen in the future? What is the main problem?” Kaveh: “A bunch of Basiji Chalquz (shits) that most people know them and hate them, are not important. The West that loves these shits and supports them is the main problem” Homa: “The Basiji Chalquz (shits) and other mercenaries, from Khatamists to Pahlavists, are a bankrupt, tiny minority. Their western employers and their western supporters know it well, and that’s why they are worried” Sohrab: “Iranians had to know their main enemies, and now, Iranians are knowing all their enemies. It’s a good news” Kaveh: “The future is not clear, but we can be sure of one thing: Ultimately the West and its mercenaries will fail. They are on the wrong side of history. Tens of millions of the young, modern, well-aware, and university-educated Iranians will change many things in Iran and the world” Neda: “Folks, lets forget the open secrets. Lets watch a good film, or lets have a game of cards, or lets …”

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