In these days, it’s hard to know which rumor or news is real and which is unreal. You see many stupid things and think they are unreal, but they are real. It’s really tragic. In fact, a big picture of these days is a collection of real and unreal things. And that’s why the fictional stories are the best tool to talk about these days. These fictional stories are not literary stories; they are just a collection of fantasies, nightmares, and true stories about these days and Iranians’ pain and suffering. Anyway, the media recently tried to create a stupid wave, and wanted to make a stupid Iranian singer a hero. They called him ‘the Salman Rushdie of music’, the Iranian baboons compared him with Hedayat, and the Mullahs, that no one cares about them in Iran, tried to treat him like Rushdie. It was a very stupid farce. Sadeq Hedayat (1903 -1951) was a real intellectual who could see the main problems of his own time, but now many Iranian expats, that are so stupid, try to imitate him. Hedayat was a true intellectual and a great satirist, and we would write more about him later. But now, let’s read “the Story of Sadeq Hedayat and Modern Sheep”, that is a fictional story about these days. Here is the first part (the second part will be published soon):
In Tehran, the weather is so shitty. It’s hot and dusty, even in the coffee shop that Arya and his friends like it. “The motherf-u-c-k-er Arabs love Tokkmi things (shitty things) from Tokhmi weather (shitty weather) and dust storms to the Mullahs and the Islamists. But they export their beloved Tokhmit things to others. First the Mullahs, and now their f-u-c-k-ing dust storms”, Arya says. “It’s their non-Oil export. They have nothing except dust and dirt to export to other nations”, Negin adds. “The main elements of the Arab world are: dust, dirt, locust, lizard, camel, shit, piss, and animal instincts. They make their life, their thoughts and their values with these things”, Minu says. And Shabnam adds: “The stupid Arabs are like the stupid Iranian expats. Have you heard about that stupid Iranian rapper?” Minu: “Yah, but I don’t know why Westerners think his stupid song is a special thing. Iranians inside Iran say better and funnier things about the Mullahs and the Islamists. His stupid song was a weaker version of what the people say. But in his interviews with the Western media, he ate extra shit and showed that he is a little Chalquz (bird shit)” Negin: “Yah, but the British media called him ‘the Salman Rushdie of music’, and the British Mullahs called him an apostate”. Arya: “who is this little shit?” Shabnam: “This jerk is Shahin Najafi, a Germany-based Iranian singer. Here is his song, read it. It’s just like what the people say about the Islamists. But in his interviews, he has said: ‘I criticize Iranian society in the song !!’ Apparently, the little Chalquz loves eating extra shit”. When Arya is reading the song’s lyrics, Minu say: “He is one of the Iranian Chalquz who live in the West. They still live in the 1970s or in the Stone Age. The little Chalquz has said: ‘I didn’t think I would upset the Mullahs [!!] I just want to criticize Iranians !’ Arya: “Really? this little shit want to criticize society?! Motherfucker bastard” Negin: “The Iranian expats are very stupid. They are backward Iranians who still live in the past decades. These jerks, plus Iranian mercenaries and pseudo-intellectuals desperately try to imitate the poor Sadeq Hedayat” Arya: “Yah, ‘een Harumzadeha hamishe 100 saal Aghaband’ (these bastards always live in the past, in 100 years ago). The poor Hedayat killed himself because of these stupid bastards. This stupid singer remind me of a story that Katiraei wrote in his book about Hedayat. One day, a rich kid who was a modern sheep -that means he was so stupid, just loved ‘Ada Atfar’ (empty stupid gestures), and followed fashion like sheep- went and asked Hedayat: “I want to write a book and criticize our stupid society. Can you choose a name for my book?” And Hedayat said: ‘Yah, your book’s name should be: ‘How I became a faggot !” Shabnam: “Haha. that book was better than this song!” Minu: “Hedayat lived when 90% of Iranians were illiterate, and 99% of educated Iranians were like that stupid kid. They were the modern sheep who just followed the West or the Communism like sheep”. Arya: “Yah, they were like the illiterate Iranians who followed the Mullahs or religion like sheep. In fact, both groups were sheep, and only their shepherds were different” Minu: “And that’s why Hedayat was really alone. Most of his friends were among the modern sheep” Arya: “Yah, they could not think independently and could not see the main problems. They just loved ‘Ada Atfar'”. Negin: “But many still love ‘Ada Atfar'” Arya: “Yah, but now the majority of Iranians inside Iran are young, educated, and modern, while the modern sheep can’t see the differences between our time and Hedayat’s time. They just try to imitate Hedayat. They can’s see the main problems, including the Western hypocrisy, Western betrayals, the Iranian mercenaries, etc. The modern sheep just eat extra-shit. They say: ‘We criticize Iranian society!‘, while they themselves are stupider than most of Iranians inside Iran”. Minu: “You should tell them: ‘Hey you jerks, when you are stupider than many Iranians, and when you are a Pahlavist or when you still kiss the West’s ass and don’t protest against the Western jerks who aided the Mullahs in suppressing the modern Iranians, you are like a stupid sheep who eats his own shit and says: ‘Wow, such a modern food’!” Shabnam: “Thousands of wise people, who should be called ‘new Hedayat’ or real intellectuals live in today’s Iran. They know the main problems, and don’t need to imitate Hedayat. They are original, wise, and honest, and don’t follow anything like sheep” Arya: “Yah, thousands of real intellectuals who are wiser than Hedayat, and don’t have his weak points, live in today’s Iran. Hedayat was a wise man who criticized the Mullahs, the Monarchists, and the sheep, and that’s why both the Pahlavi regime and the Mullah regime hated him. Hedayat was a man of his own time, and criticized the main problems of his own time, with open eyes and open mind. Hedayat was a exception in his own time, when every idiot or bastard was called ‘Intellectual’. At that time, the most important problem was the people. And public ignorance, the illiterate Iranians, the Iranian sheep, and the lack of real intellectuals were serious problems. But now many things have changed”. Negin: “Yah, now those who imitate Hedayat, and most of them are either Monarchist or Mercenary, just make a fool of themselves” Minu: “If the poor Hedayat was alive and saw his enemies defend or imitate him, he would kill himself agin!”
In London, a group of journalists discuss about the stupid Iranian singer. Smith says: “Listen to what I wrote: ‘An Iranian rapper has become ‘the Salman Rushdie of music’ after clerics in the Islamic republic issued fatwas calling him an apostate, which is considered punishable by death under their Sharia law. Shahin Najafi told us: ‘I criticize Iranian society in the song’. His song has divided opinions in the country. It broke taboos“. What do you think?” John, an Iran’s expert, says: “Who breaks taboos? this idiot ?! Do you think this idiot can be a hero for today’s Iranians? Now, all Iranians are breaking taboos, and we just should try to control them!” Adams, another Iran’s expert, adds: “I’m agreed with John. He knows Iran well. I think no one cares about this singer in Iran. What do the wise Iranians say about him?” Sarah: “Unfortunately, Iranians are not as stupid as the 1970s. They know who betrayed them in 2009. Many things have changed in Iran. They say: ‘this little shit (the singer) is an opportunist. The Iranian expats still live in the 1970s or in 100 years ago’. Oh, Is it good that we say he is a new Sadeq Hedayat?” John: “It’s stupid. In Hedayat’s era, the number of Iranians who had a university degree was about 20 thousands, and 99% of them were idiot. Only Hedayat and a few others could think independently. But now many things have changed”. Adams: “Yah, now the number of Iranians who have university degree is about 20 millions, and thousands of them are wiser and better than Hedayat”. Smith: “The Iranian expat are stupid and spineless. We can manipulate them with a visa or a fistful of dollar. We should claim that they are representative of Iranians inside Iran. We should pretend that many Iranians still care about us and our agents. We and our agents should create wave and should divide opinions in Iran” John: “But when Iranians only laugh at us, and when they don’t care about us and our agents, we should change our policy” Sarah: “Yah, but do you have any new plan?” John: “No. But we should not forget Golshifteh Farahani’s farce. She wanted to imitate that Egyptian girl, but Iranians are modern, like us, and just said, OK, you can be naked, it’s none of our business. Iranians laugh at us and stupid tactics. They even know that many Britons are so conservative, and Iranians are really more liberal and more open-minded than many Britons”. Sarah: “It’s not solution. Do you have any solution? Otherwise, we should follow our employers, and we will publish Smith’s article”. Adams: “We should change our tactics in Iran. Now, Iranians know our tactics. We should change our old tactics. John and I are writing a book about this issue” Smith: “OK. We publish this article and wait for your book”. Next day, almost all British media, including the the BBC, the Guardian, the Telegraph, and the Economist, published an article that was like Smith’s article. John read the Iranian reactions, and told Adams: “In both the Pahlavi regime and the Mullah regime, we could manage Iranians. We gave them a transition from monarchy to theocracy, and they accepted it, because they were so stupid. But now many things have changed. Have you read ‘The Pearl Cannon’ that is Hedayat’s last satire?” Adams: “Yah” John: “In the past, only a few Iranians read it. But now, many Iranians love it, and many even write better things. Iran has changed” Adams: “Yah” John: “Before writing the Pearl Cannon, Hedayat said: ‘I want to write something that is like a spit [Akh-o-Tof] on them. Maybe, I can’t publish it, but it’s not important. At least they can’t tell themselves ‘he was a good donkey [good sheep]’. But now, almost all Iranians spit on the Mullahs and the Islamists, from morning to night, and Iran is full of spit [Akh-o-Tof] on them” Adams: “Yah. But in ‘the Pearl Cannon’, Hedayat criticized not only the Mullahs and the Arabs, but the Monarchists, the Europeans, the Americans, and others. He was dangerous”. John: “Yah, but now, many Iranians are wiser than Hedayat” Adams: “Yah, they shit on Khatami, Behnoud, Reza Pahlavi, etc. The sheep don’t follow their shepherds. It’s so dangerous. We should find a solution. Otherwise, Britons will learn from Iranians. It’s dangerous. I have encouraged some Iranian expats to establish ‘The Center of Iranian Bloggers’ in London. I hope we could manage Iranians, and our agents can control them, before it’s too late”.
In Los Angeles, the Iranian Monarchists and the Iranian baboons discuss about the stupid signer. Shahram: “I think we should say this singer is a new Sadeq Hedayat”. Bahram: “Are you idiot? Hedayat was an
anti-Monarchist. He hated Pahlavi. He was so dangerous. Forget him”. Feri: “But our men have already said that he is a new Heyadat, and he is an intellectual” Reza: “It’s not bad. Iranians inside Iran are stupid and they will accept what we say. In the 1970s, they accepted what the Mullahs and Khomeini said, and now they will accept what we say. Don’t worry. The people are stupid and no one read Hedayat’s books” Feri: “When we don’t read any book, how can the poor people read any book? Iranians inside Iran are stupider than us. Our IQ is higher than them. They are sheep and we are their shepherd” Shahram: “Do you know what Iranians inside Iran say about this singer and our support of him” Bahram: “Iranians inside Iran don’t care about him. What they say just show that they are not stupid. For instance, a girl, Minu, has said to him and all Iranian expats: ‘You are idiot. You should make a song about the stupid Obama, who aided the Mullahs in killing and suppressing Iranians and their anti-Mullah movement. You should make a song about the Iranian jerks, specially the Iranian traitors and their Western supporters who betrayed the people’. And another girl, Shabnam has said ‘ You should make a song about Reza Pahlavi and shit on him and his Western supporters. You should make a song about the Western Hypocrisy and how the West betrayed Iranians’. And a boy has said: ‘Why don’t you make a song about the BBC, the VOA, and the Western media and their shameful behavior, or about the stupid Iranian expats who still live like sheep?’ Another boy has added: ‘Your fear for your visa, or your fear of your employers don’t allow you to tell the truth or care about the important things. Shame on you, the Iranian expats’. I don’t think the people are stupid” Feri: “So, you say we are stupid, not the people?” Shahram: “We don’t know Iranians inside Iran. But here, we can see many Americans who are like sheep. They respect us and treat us well. So, we can think many Iranians are like sheep, too” Reza: “Iranians are so stupid. But I want to know what they say about us and about Hedayat and other things. The shepherd should know his sheep. Bahram, can you tell us more about Iranians inside Iran? What they say about us?” Bahram: “It can make you angry or sad. Forget it” Reza: “No, we want to know the truth. Please” Bahran: “They call the Iranians Monarchists ‘The Iranian Pofyooz’. They hate us as much as they hate the Mullahs. And about Hedayat, they know that we have asked the American officials to close his official website (http://www.sadeghhedayat.info/). Some Iranians published what Jahangir Hedayat, Hedayat’s nephew, said in 2010: ‘The US shut down Sadeq Hedayat’s official website. It’s so ridiculous. Why Americans impose sanctions on Iranian people and Iranian intellectuals, including Hedayat? Why the Americans shut down a non-political and literary website, the official website of Hedayat, who has died 60 years ago? The American companies are so shameless and don’t care about our protests. Is Sadeq Hedayat related to nuclear issue ?!’ The people hate us and our American supporters. Some Iranians wrote: ‘The Iranian Monarchists and other reactionary Iranians hate Sadeq Hedayat, and their American and European supporters shutdown Hedayat’s website and try to silence the voices of real intellectuals. But they should know that thousands of real intellectuals, who are wiser than Hedayat live in today’s Iran. A country with 20 million university-educated people just can shit on the rotten fossils in LA, California to ‘. Shahram: “The people insult us, and they don’t deserve democracy. We should listen to what our American employers or our Mullah friends say. We should fuck these ungrateful people” Feri: “Yah, the people should go to hell. We just love money and power. Who care about the people”. Reza: ” We just want to know what the people say. But it doesn’t meant that the people are important. We should just obey Americans’ orders. They give us money, and we should obey them” Bahram: “It’s true. But we can use better tactics and better tricks. If we think the people are as stupid as our fellows in LA, we just make a fool of ourselves” Shahram: “If we knew better tactics, we could save our power in 1979” Feri: “Don’t lose hope, man. The people are so stupid. We can restore the Monarchy, and the people are forced to kiss our ass. Our American supporters make us ruler”. Reza: “We should not lose our hope. The people laugh at us, but it’s not important. This singer is like other Iranian expats. He is one of us, and we should try to make him a hero. We should say that the people are stupid, and this singer and us are their leaders or their intellectuals” Bahram: “We really need a miracle, and God should help us. In Iran, even little kids laugh at us”. Feri: “Don’t worry man. God and USA help us”.