“Hillary Clinton, in interviews with the Persian language services of the BBC and Voice of America (VOA), answered Iranians’ questions”, it’s what the media reported yesterday. Here, I don’t want to write about the stupid jokes that Clinton said yesterday. What Clinton said was a pile of shit, and even the stupidest Iranians laughed at her bullshits. But here, I want to have a look at behind the scenes, and what happened before their stupid show. This is a fictional comedy, but some believe it’s based on a true story. In these f-u-c-k-ing days, it’s better that we try to laugh at all tragic and shameful events. It’s really hard, but it’s better.
Act 1: Inside Clinton’s Office
Clinton’s office is very quiet, but Clinton’s aide and close friend, Jeff, is really angry. He only shakes his head, but suddenly says: “Madam, it’s a serious problem. In these days many Iranians talk about our secret deals and secret love affair with the Mullahs. They ask why the Mullahs have US green card, or live in the US, while we have imposed sanctions on the ordinary Iranians. They ask about Obama’s secret letters to Khamenei, or about Khamenei’s TV in Washington, or about Mullah Mafia that work here, and about many other things; it’s really a threat, we should do something about it, before it’s too late”. Clinton: “Don’t worry Jeff. We can manipulate the people. Just ask our mercenaries to repeat their previous lies again.” Jeff: “No, Madam, it doesn’t work. Iranians know our agents and the Mullah mercenaries; They can not deceive the people any longer. They are dead”. Clinton: “It’s not important. We still can deceive public opinion in the world. Who cares about Iranians. They are voiceless and no one hear their voices. Let me see, I have received an order that I should send a green signal to the Mullahs. I should say them that the US can work with the Islamic Monarchy in Iran and we have not any problem with abolishing the Republic System in Iran.” Jeff: “So, I think it’s better that you give an interview to the VOA and the BBC. They are our media and we can control them” Clinton: “All mass media are our media, Jeff. Don’t be stupid. But, OK. The VOA and the BBC have Persian services and I can pretend that I talk with Iranians.” Jeff: “So, I arrange a meeting with the BBC and VOA managers”
Act 2: Clinton, VOA and BBC
Jeff: “Mrs. Clinton, as you know these friends are managers of the BBC and the VOA, and their media try to keep our favorite regime, the Mullah regime, safe”. The BBC manager: “We are your close friends. I hope we can control Iranians and keep the Mullah regime and their Islamic Monarchy safe.” Jeff: “OK, as you know, we want to control the current scandals and also Iranians’ anger. But the important point is that we want to deceive public opinion in all around the world in a way that they think our war with the Mullahs is a real war” Clinton: “I want to give you an interview. I want to send a green signal to the Mullahs and deceive the stupid people as much as possible. Dose the BBC know how many Iranians are stupid or how many defend the Mullah regime?” The BBC manager: “Yes, we know. We know that more than 90% of Iranians hate the Mullahs. They also hate us, because we defend the Mullahs. but who cares? Who cares about Iranians and what they want or what they say. We should only focus on what we want”. Jeff: “Yes. But how you control Iranians and their anger at the UK and the US? what’s your solution?” The BBC manager: “we have many mercenaries outside and inside Iran. They try to distort the facts and …” Jeff: “But they are so disgraced and discredited among Iranians, and now almost all Iranians know your mercenaries and their true colors.” The BBC manager: “Yes, it’s a tragedy for us. But they can spread big lies and say that the BBC is neutral. It’s enough.You know that our motto in the BBC Persian is ‘90% = 10%’. We say that our times and our programs should be divided among the Mullahs and the people equally. And it’s justice, ‘90% = 10%’“. Jeff: “that’s a good dirty trick. “90% = 10%” ! The Mullahs and their supporters who are 10% and have their own propaganda machine, can use the BBC as much as the people, who are 90%, voiceless, and hate the Mullahs. It’s a very good Idea” The VOA manger : “For us and also the BBC 10% > 90%. It’s the best case that 90% = 10%, Hahaha” Clinton: “It’s a very good motto. I think all American media should use it “90% = 10%”. Of course, we know it’s a new motto for BBC, and it was not your motto in 1970s and during the Islamic revolution, when you were the Mullah media, the revolution Media, Hahaha”.
Act 3: Clinton and Difficult Questions
Clinton: “I should know what’s the main questions of Iranians” Jeff: “They have a lot of questions. They ask us about the Mullah Mafia in the US, about Khamenei’s TV in Washington, about the green cards that we have issued for the Mullahs, about our stupid sanctions, about Obama’s secret letters to Khamenei, and especially about our positions in 2009 and why we refused to help Iranians” Clinton: “such a dangerous questions. You should tell the BBC and the VOA that they should not ask me these questions” Jeff:” I have told them, but they say that you at least should answer a question about 2009″. Clinton: “What should I say. Even the stupidest people know that we ignored Iranians.” Jeff: “No, the stupid lefts and our fake intellectuals don’t know it.” Clinton: “Yes, I forgot it. They are the stupidest people in the planet. We can use them”. Jeff: “Yes, they really stupid and support us and our plots”. Clinton: “so, let me see … If they ask me about 2009 and why we refused to help Iranians, I will say: “Because their leaders and the Iranian expats didn’t ask us to help Iranians“, and I pretend that Iranian expats and the Islamists are representative of Iranians. what do you think?” Jeff: “But all Iranians inside Iran hate the Islamists and the stupid Iranian expats. And in 2009, Iranians inside Iran clearly asked us to help them, but we refused. Also, the Wikileaks has revealed the story of our secret meetings with Mullahs in London in 2009. And many know that the high rank Mullahs asked us to not help Iranians” Clinton: “Please, don’t talk about WikiJerks. I’m sick of them.” Jeff: “OK, but Iranians know the truth.” Clinton: “who cares about Iranians. We want to deceive the stupid people in the world. What I say is just an excuse” Jeff: “But at least the stupidest people should accept our excuse. Your excuse is not even acceptable for the stupidest people” Clinton: “Jeff, are you idiot? what did you tell me about the stupid lefts?” Jeff: “Oh, yah, I forgot them. They are really a godsend for us” Clinton: “Jeff, do you know what Iranians say about the Islamist-Reformists or the Iranian exapts, especially the Monarchists?” Jeff: “Iranians inside Iran call them “Iranian baboons”. Iranians know that they are our mercenaries, or Mullah mercenaries. Iranians hate them and call them jerk or dead Zombies” Clinton: “What Iranians say about me?” Jeff: “I can’t say that” Clinton: “Please” Jeff: “They say: “f-u-c-k you Clinton. f-u-c-k your mother, and f-u-c-k your father.”
Act 3: Clinton and Mullahs
Jeff: “Madam, what’s your green signal for the Mullahs?” Clinton: “I want to say:’the door remains open to talks with the Mullahs. We do not want a conflict with the Mullahs, but we do want to see the Mullahs change their outlook and their behavior. We would be thrilled if tomorrow the Mullahs had a change of mind” Jeff: “But, Iranians will laugh at you and this stupid green signal” Clinton: “Don’t be stupid Jeff. Who cares about Iranians. I only care about the Mullahs and the stupid lefts” Jeff: “But Iranians and the world will ask you about the US sanctions against Iran. They ask why we make love with the Mullahs, but impose sanctions on the ordinary Iranians who hate the Mullahs. we should think about this.” Clinton: “Yes, I will defend U.S. sanctions against Iran. I acknowledge our sanctions sometimes caused difficulties for average Iranians, but I will say they were the best tool to pressure Iran’s leaders. Hahaha. what do you think?” Jeff: “But in the recent weeks, even the stupidest people can see that we tell big lies and our sanctions are not against the Mullahs, but it’s only against the poor Iranians who hate the Mullahs . Iranians know the truth” Clinton: “Don’t be stupid, Jeff. Who cares about Iranians. I just want to deceive the stupid non-Iranians” Jeff: “Again I forgot the stupid lefts and their stupid fans and followers, sorry.” Clinton: “Jeff, don’t forget to ask the BBC and the VOA to not ask me serious questions; for example about Khamenei’s TV in Washington, the tragedy of Internet in Iran, or the Greed Card scandal” Jeff: “yes, I know. I also ask them to not ask you about Mullah Mafia, the current Canadian scandals, our plan for the hot line with the Mullahs, etc. Don’t worry”.
Act 5: Clinton and Syria
Jeff: “the BBC manager has said that it’s better you try to answer a question about Syria. The world and Iranians ask us: ‘Why don’t we help Syrians? why we refuse to help Syrians? Why our policy about Syria is like what we did about Iran in 2009?’ We should find an excuse for it” Clinton: “It’s a difficult question. How can we find an excuse?” Jeff: “You can repeat your last excuse. Why we did not support Iranians? because they did not ask us. So, why we do not support Syrians? because they do not ask us!” Clinton: “But many know that Syrians ask us to help them, but we refuse. It’s about today, not 2009, and many can remember it. How can I justify it?” Jeff: “Have you forgotten that we just want to deceive the stupid lefts and their stupid fans and followers? Just say that Syria is not Libya, and Syrians don’t ask us for help” Clinton: “Ok, all right. But I still have doubt. Who can believe this big lie? Iranians and Syrians don’t accept it” Jeff: “Don’t worry. who cares about Iranians or Syrians. You care about the stupid lefts, and the stupid lefts only care about the dictators, not the people, that’s all” Clinton: “yes, but it’s like the stupid motto of the BBC “90% = 10%”, who can believe this bullshit? Anyway, how many Iranians still watch the BBC or the VOA?” Jeff: “I think almost all Iranians have boycotted them, but who cares about Iranians. They are voiceless and they have no media. And now the Mullahs want to unplug the internet in Iran, and we should be really happy about it. In this way, we can pretend that the stupid Iranian exapts, and our mercenaries are representative of Iranians.” Clinton: “Jeff, I love you. But don’t forget to ask them to not ask me any question about the tragedy of internet in Iran”. Jeff: “OK. don’t worry”
Act 6: Last Moments …
Clinton: “Jeff, did you tell them that they should not ask me difficult questions? Jeff: “Yes, don’t worry. it’s not ‘Hard Talk”. It’s a very very soft talk. haha, Don’t worry. Just try to tell your big lies like Ahmadinejad, i.e. without any shame”. Clinton: “yes, I know, I love Ahmadinejad (AN). I wish this f-u-c-k-ing face man (AN) was my husband” Jeff: “Really? why?” Clinton: “Because he could not sleep with Monica and cheat on me. All women hated him” Jeff: “Haha. OK, please try to focus on what you want to say. Don’t worry. All people here, and there in London are our friends; they are Mullah agents or our mercenaries” Clinton: “OK. I’m very happy that Washington has become a new London. Until now, only London was full of Mullahs and their mercenaries. haha” Jeff: “Yes, but please be serious and don’t laugh at the stupid jokes and stupid bullshits you want to tell the poor audiences” Clinton: “Do you think we have any audience in Iran?” Jeff: “Maybe some stupid and naive people watch us. But our main audiences are the Mullahs, the Islamists, the stupid lefts, and their stupid fans and followers”. Clinton: “OK. I should try to be serious and don’t laugh at my stupid jokes. It’s really hard. When I think about “90% = 10%”, and this shit that the BBC is neutral, I can’t laugh” Jeff: “Please be serious. Just send your green signal to the Mullahs and repeat your bullshits and big lies without shame, that’s all. that’s what you should do tonight.” Clinton: “Don’t worry. It’s what I do all days and all nights”
Act 7: Three, Two, One … Action
“Hello and welcome to our stupid show from the BBC Persian, ….”, and in this way one of the stupidest comedies of all times was aired by the BBC and the VOA. And Hillary Clinton told her big lies and her shameful bullshits without shame.