Persian Jokes

It’s the second part of the Iranian jokes series.

A Rashti’s boy asked his Dad: “Why don’t you allow me to go to Tehran”. The Rashti said: “Because it’s so dangerous for our city”. The Rashti’s boy asked: “for our city? why?” The Rashti said: “Because if you go to Tehran, you get HIV. If you get HIV, your girlfriend get HIV. If your GF get HIV, I get HIV. If I get HIV, your mother get HIV. And If your mother get HIV, then the whole city get HIV”

The Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Khatami died and went all to hell. The Queen Elizabeth said: “I miss England. I wanna call England”. She called and talked for about 5minutes. then she said: “Well, Devil, how much do I owe you? the Devil goes: 5 million dollars… 5 million dollars!!! she made him a check and went to sit back on her chair. Bill Clinton was so jealous; He starts screaming: me too; I wanna call the US. He called and talked for about 2 minutes; then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you? the Devil goes: 10 million dollars. He paid it and went. Khatami was extremely jealous too. He started screaming: I wanna call Iran too. He called Iran and he talked for about twenty hours. He was talking and talking and talking. then he said: well, Devil how much do I owe you? the Devil goes: 1 dollar. – Only 1 dollar ?! the Devil goes: well, from hell to hell it’s local

An Interview in American Embassy in Saudi Arabia: INTERVIEWER: name ARAB: Jasim abdul-Ahmed INTERVIEWER: s-e-x ARAB: 20 times a week INTERVIEWER :no I mean male or female ARAB :there is no difference

A Turk was writing graffiti on a wall: “Live long P-e-n-i-s”. Some Basijis came and arrested him. They asked him : “why do you write these craps?”, he said: “for 3 reasons that our dear leader, Khomeini learned us: 1- It has sacrificed its head for Islam. 2- It makes real human 3- It comes up (rises up) against Bad-Hijab or Bi-Hijab women.

A Rashti Footballer was dying. He desperately asked his wife: “I’m dying now, Please tell the truth, how much time did you have s-e-x with somebody else?” She said: “To be honest, 2 or 3 times.” Rashti asked: “Please say how they happened”. She said: “Do you remember that your head coach was your enemy at first, but after a while he became your close friend ?” Rashit said: “Yes”, She said: “That was the first time. Do you remember your team-mates hated you, but after a while all of them became your friends? ” Rashit said: “Yes” She said: “That was the second time. And do you remember that all spectators hated you and all of them insulted you, but after a while, the whole spectators, the whole 100,000 spectators at the Azadi Stadium, applauded you ? that was the last time”

An American and an Iranian board a plane to LAX. Iranian sits next to American. American asks: What kind of “ian” are you?
– What? – I said What kind of “ian” are you? – I don’t understand your question. – Stupid! Are you Cambodian, Indian or Iranian?
– Oh! I am Iranian. 2 hours passed without a word. Iranian asks: What kind of “key” are you? – What? – Are you a monkey, donkey, or Yankee?

A Rashti kid says to his mother: “Mam, today, when your were out, aunt Sahar came and she and Dad went to the bedroom.” the mother said: “stop here, and tell the full story at night, when your dad comes”. At night, the mother said: “my son, what was you saying in the morning” the kid says: “Mom, when you were out, aunt Sahar and Dad went to the bedroom and did something like what you and uncle Ali had done yesterday.”

A Rashti said to his wife: “Honey, bring some of those foreign condoms, for having more fun” And she said: “No, those are for my guests.”

In an English calls, the teacher asks a Turk: “Make an English sentence with “Never mind”? the Turks says: “I F-u-c-k your mother” the teacher says: ” It had not any “Never mind”. I said “Never mind”. Never mind” the Turk says: “so, I fuck your wife, too”

The Rashti asked his wife: “Please tell the truth, do you ever sleep with somebody else?” She said: “No, only you slept with me, others don’t sleep until the morning.”

You have just received a Basiji computer virus. Since we are not so technologically advanced, this is a MANUAL virus. Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this virus to everyone you know. Thank you very much for helping me. Basiji, the Hacker

The Rashti’s wife went to hospital for childbirth. When Rashti wanted to pay the hospital bill, he found that it’s too expensive. So, he went to his own neighborhood and said: “Hey buddies, please pay your share, I can’t afford to pay your bill”

An Iranian dies and goes to Heaven. After six months the Iranian decides to go and see what happens to the Mullahs, the Devil shows him around. The Iranian sees that Ayatollah Motahari and Marilyn Monroe are in the same room. the Iranian asks the Devil what is this? is this heaven or hell? why they are in the same room? the Devil responds: “it’s the Marilyn’s hell and Motahari’s heaven.”

Top Signs that you know you are Iranian/Persian, even if you are a new American, Canadian, etc: -you never tell a girl you are Iranian if they are blond you say Persian and to the other girls you are Italian – You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it’s normal – You are standing next to the largest suitcases at the Airport – You say bye 17 times on the phone – You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house – Your relatives alone could populate a small city. – You drink 6 cups of tea a day

One day an Iranian was encountered by his boss and his boss started asking question. He asked the boy “hey , where have you come from ?” The boy answered “oh I lived in turkey for a while and I hate that country”. The boss asked:” why do you hate that country”. Boy said ” because it is full of sluts and soldiers”. the boss replied with anger” Excuse me…my wife is a Turk “. The boy said “Oh what is your wife’s military position?”

A guy asks a Turk ,what kind of a bread do you eat for breakfast, he replies ,three Lavashes .Guy asks what about lunch, Turk says ,two Taftons. Guy asks how about dinner ,Turk reply ,two Sangaks. Guy says ,so that is a rumor that Turks eat Barbari. Turk says , idiot, do you think that I eat these mentioned breads with what?

There was this girl that was getting married to a Gazvini guy. Before her wedding, her mom said to watch out for the Qazvini guys cause they have a bad habit. Her mom said that if he ever asks you to turn around, you should not do it and tell me about it. So, she gets married. Two years later, she calls her mom up and says: “Mom, he told me to turn around… it’s time to have kids”

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