Iranian Jokes

Iranian jokes like any other joke are usually for the entertainment. To make jokes and enjoy them is a universal human characteristic manifesting itself in all cultures and in many different forms. Humor plays a prominent role in society as an instrument of social and political criticism. In Iran, humor plays the main role in social and political criticism. Iranian Humor of a particular kind is frequently about a specific ethnic group, such as Turk, Rashti, Lor, Arab, Kord, etc. Each ethnic group has a unique and special characteristic: The Turk are foolish. The Rashti are stupid dishonor men (their honor is gone). The Lor are stupid thugs. The Kord are stupid bully boys. The Arab are stupid horny boys. Now lets take a look at some Iranian jokes:

[a modern version of an ancient Iranian jokes] One day a Rashti and his wife go to Tehran with their car. A group of thugs take the Rashti out of his car and make a circle around him. They tell the Rashti to stay in the circle, and if he steps out they will beat him. The Rashti stands there while the gangsters start messing up his car, and f-u-c-k-ing his wife so badly. The Rashti starts laughing. They hit the car, and f-u-c-k- the wife, even harder and the Rashti is still laughing. By the time the car and the wife is totally screwed up, the Rashti is laughing is ass off. The guy asks him why the hell are you laughing while we are f-u-c-k-ing your wife and your car. The Rashti says, “ha ha, I stepped out of the circle three times and you didn’t see me”

A Rashti is asked: “Do you believe in the hereafter, a life after death? ” he says: “Yes, 100%, because I was born two years after the death of my dad.”

A Rashti old saying says: “When you come back to your house, slap your wife’s face. You don’t know why you slap her, but she knows the reason”

A young Persian man excitedly tells his mother hes fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, ‘Mom, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one Im going to marry.’ The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, ‘Okay, Mom, guess which one I’m going to marry.’ She immediately replies, ‘The one on the right.’ ‘That’s amazing, Mom. You’re right. How did you know?’ The Persian mother replies ‘I don’t like her.’

You could be Iranian : -”If the title of Dr. has been added to the beginning of your name, since you started writing and sending crap to Iranian Websites” -”If you are a senior citizen and collect your retirement from Iran, benefits from Denmark and social security and disability from America” -”If you live eleven months a year in Iran but you spend one month a year in America, only so your Green Card does not expire” -”If you’re a grocer and they call you Sarhang (Colonel); If you are a cab-driver and they call you Doctor; If you are a butcher and they call you Mohandes (Engineer); If you are a cook in Chelo Kabobi and they call you Ostad (Professor); If you are a billionaire with a lavish lifestyle and they call you Darvish (spiritual and non-materialistic person)” -”If you’re a young Exile born Iranian Swedish Monarchist, under the impression that there are 70 million Iranians cheering for Reza Pahlavi and ready to establish Constitutional Monarchy, yet you have never been to Iran” -”If you are now living in America for a month, yet you already forgot Persian and you speak English with an Italian Bronx Accent” – “If you were in jail in Iran for forgery and fraud, but in America you claimed Political Asylum to get a Green Card” -”If you were in jail in Iran for prostitution, but in America you claimed you are a tortured Bahai to get a Green Card”

An one-dollar bill of a Turk fell into a toilet. Then he threw a $100 bill into the toilet, and after that he hardly tried to pick both $1 and $100 bills out of the toilet. Some guys ask him: “Why did you do that?” he says: “Because it had to be worth trying”

A Persian asks a Turk: “Which of whom you love more: “your mother” or “your father” ?” he says: “your mother”

A comparison between an International Hero, Fidel Castro And an Iranian Zero, Reza Pahlavi : “Castro went full time in Jungle to make Revolution, Reza Pahlavi went full time in bedroom to make babies in hope of making a son. Castro is Man O Destiny, Reza is Man O Pantry. Castro put money into the cause to build a nation, Reza Pahlavi took money out of Iranians’ mouths to live a luxurious life, not to mention.”

Mohammad entered his classroom. “What is your name?” asked the teacher. “Mohammad,” answered the kid. “Here in France, there is no Mohammad. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois,” replied the teacher. In the evening, Mohammad returned home. “How was your day, Mohammad?” asked his mother. “My name is not Mohammad. I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois.” “Ah, are you ashamed of your name?! Are you trying to disown your parents?! Your heritage?! Shame on you!” And she beat him. Then she called the father and he beat him very hard. The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: “What happened my little Jean-Francois?” “Well Miss, 2 hours after becoming French, I was attacked by two Arabs.”

One day they ask a Turk if some one gives the world to you what will you do with it? he said: “I will sell it and buy a Canadian visa”

A Turk goes to a Carwash, but without his car. They ask him: “Why don’t you bring your car?” he says: “Because my office is only a short distance away, and so I decided that I walk here.”

On a plane there was an American, an Englishman, and an Iranian. After 5 minutes the pilot says that they have to much weight on the plane and need 1 person to jump out of the plane. The Englishman stood up and said ” I’M DOING THIS FOR THE GOOD OF THE UK”. After 10 more minutes the pilot said he they still have to much weight on the plane and need 1 more person to jump out. The Iranian stood up and said`” I’m doing this for the good of IRAN and pushed the American out”

You could be Iranian : – “If your mother breaks up your marriage; If you talk behind your wife with your mother” -”If, when going to concerts, you spend all the time in outside hallways drinking, smoking and chasing girls -”If going to the concert with your wife; however, ending up at another table with someone else’s wife.” – “If you rip Barbari Bread in pieces and throw them in your Clam Chowder Soup and eat it Abgoushti Style” -”If your favorite drink is vodka; If your favorite nonalcoholic drink is vodka lime and 7up.” – “If carrying the title of Doctor, Professor, Engineer, etc., before your name; however, the closest you got to a college, was peeping at the girls’ dorm during your freshman year, before you dropped out and become a Grocery Store Owner and a part time politician” – “If you get caught shoplifting a pair of $2.99 earrings, while wearing a $7,000 pair of gold and diamond earrings of your own” -”If you are a Charlatan but you call yourself an attorney, or journalist; If you are fixing Green Cards for people but you call yourself a paralegal” -”If you claim that you are a nonsmoker in public, yet you smoke 3 packs a day in hiding.” -”If you claim that you are not an addict, yet you been smoking opium for 14 years; If you enjoy Russian Vodka, Persian Opium, and Turkish Hashish.”

It’s funny, isn’t it?! In fact, the above jokes are not bad. But unfortunately 99% of good Iranian jokes and humors are only in Persian language, and they have not been translated into English. We should try to translate some of them, here in our website. In traditional Persian society the gathering of friends was a situation where humor thrived in the witty conversation of the guests as well as in the songs with which they were entertained. The witticisms and jokes that spiced the conversation of courtiers are also exemplified in the collections of occasional verses and quatrains to be found in the collected poetry of almost any Persian poet. Sadis Golestan, which contains many witty stories, was composed with the purpose of providing his friends with narrative material that could be useful in social life. Obeyd-e Zakani, of Qazvin, is one of the greatest Iranian humorist, who lived in the 14th century CE. Obeyds intention was to criticize the social and political degeneration of his own days. A political background is undeniably to be understood in the humorous fable Mush-o Gorba (The mice and the cat). His Resale-ye Delgosha (The heartwarming [or cheer-making] treatise) is a collection of funny stories. Iraj Mirza, whose humorous poems published in the 1920s are still very popular, defended in particular the case of women in Persia. Iranian have some funny ancient characters like Mullah Nasreddin. Mullah (Molla) Nasreddin is a character who appears in thousands of stories, often a fool or the butt of a joke. We would write more about it later.

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