Iranian urgent Need: Alternative

May 1, 2011

The second half of Ordibehesh, the second months of the Iranian year, is the real beginning of the routine work and life in Iran. Now the ancient Nowruz and all its side effects have passed, and Iranians are ready for thinking about their revolution and their tragic situation in Iran. Now the majority of Iranians know that the Islamic Reformists are full of crap, and they try to save the Islamic regime, like what they have done in the past decade. We are sure that the arrest of Mousavi was the best case for him, because he would lose his position if he was free and bullshitted Iranians. In fact, the green movement died, and Mousavi finished , even before his arrest. In the recent months, Mousavi’s team and friends proved that they are ultra-stupid. They clearly declared and clearly showed Iranians that their main goal and their main agenda is “saving the Islamic regime”. Now the majority of ordinary Iranians know the truth and it’s very important. But these days Iranians have two main issues: 1- An acceptable alternative group to the Islamist-Reformist, for organizing the people for toppling the Islamic regime and for creating a free and democrat “Republic and Secular System” inside Iran 2- Some free and people media for mobilizing and organizing the people and the people movement. Now lets take a look at the first issue.

We live inside Iran, and we can see that the majority of Iranians hate the Monarchists and Rajavists, the two reactionary opposition groups that have a few supporters. The Rajavi’s Cult, that has about 5,000 supporters and members outside and inside Iran, is a reactionary and terrorist group. This stupid small group is among the most reactionary group of the whole world . But the stupid western politicians support the Rajavi’s Cult, and in the recent months the British and American media and politicians support this group. You can find our articles about this important matter in the “Reactionary Iranians” category. . The Monarchists, another reactionary small group of Iranians, has some thousands supporters and members outside and Inside Iran, and the majority of them live in LA, California. They are very rich and very reactionary. The stupid Reza Pahlavi, the son of last Shah of Iran, is their leader. He stupidly want to imitate Khomenei and his actions, and he thinks that the young generations of Iranians are as stupid as him and his supporters. He and other stupid Monarchists have not been in Iran for three decades, and they don’t have any idea about the Iranian youth. They don’t know that Iranians have said goodbye to the Monarchy. Reza Pahlavi wants to repeat Khomeini’s tragedy, because he has heard that “history repeat itself”. But what he has not heard, is that “history repeat itself, but at the second time it will be a comedy, not a tragedy.” What Reza Pahlavi says is a load of rubbish, and the majority of Iranians laugh at them. But unfortunately the reactionary Monarchists, like the reactionary Rajavists, have the support of the West and Western media. VOA strongly supports this reactionary group. You can find our articles about this matter and other related matters in “Reactionary Iranians” category.

The reactionary Iranians are the majority outside Iran, but a tiny minority inside Iran. They live in a free world, and could have their own voice, i.e. their own website and their own media. But the majority of Iranians that live inside Iran, have no voice; They can not have their own website and their own media. In fact, the minority, i.e. the stupid and reactionary Iranians have voice, but the majority, i.e. the wise and modern Iranians have no voice. Unfortunately, the majority of Iranian journalists and Iranian media, that live outside Iran, are either Islamists (Islamic reformist) or reactionary (Monarchist-Rajavist) They have sold themselves to the Islamists or the western powers. Under these conditions, the ordinary Iranians ask themselves: “Why should we go to the street and die? for the Monarchy and the stupid monarchists ?!! for Rajavi and PMOI?!! or for the Islamic reformists and Iranian Baboons ?!!” It’s a very important matter, and many analysts, Iranians and non-Iranians, don’t care about it. You can be sure that the Iranians, ordinary or educated, are not stupid. They don’t kill themselves for unclear goals and reactionary and stupid groups .

Some stupid Iranians outside and inside Iran, say stupid things about “unity between the reactionary Iranians (Monarchists, Rajavists, etc) and the people inside Iran”! But they forget that we don’t live in 1970s and Khomeini’s era. We live in 2010s, and now all things should be clear and transparent. Opposition to Khamenei’s regime is not important. We know that “the enemy of my enemy is not my friend”. It’s so obvious and so important that the majority of Iranians strongly support a free and democrat “Republic and Secular System” . In fact, it’s the minimum requirement for the new movement. The reactionary Iranian groups that don’t accept the minimum requirement, are like Khamenei’s regime. Do you talk about “unity between Khamenei’s regime and the Iranians? No. We know that there is not any significant difference between Khamenei’s regime and other reactionary Iranian groups. If “unity between Khamenei’s regime and the Iranians” is impossible, then “unity between
Monarchists-Rajavists-Islamists and the Iranians” is impossible as well. The majority of educated Iranians say: “We want a better life. We want a better system. We don’t want to f-u-c-k ourselves, like 1970s. So we should die for an acceptable alternative, not for the stupid Reza Pahlavi, Rajavi, or other mother-f-u-c-k-ers who live outside Iran. The Western powers support these reactionary groups. It’s not a good sing for us, and for the whole world.”

The majority of Iranians strongly support a free and democrat “Republic and Secular System” , but they need an alternative group that works for this goal actively, and organize the people. This alternative group doesn’t exist now, but the Iranians can create it. In our era, this group can be created within the Cyber Space. A decent and acceptable website for the young and educated Iranian thinkers and activists inside Iran, can be the engine of the alternative group. In fact, the majority of Iranians have no voice. They don’t have any media and any organization. And it’s the second urgent need of Iranians, that we would write more about it later.

Iranian Jokes

May 1, 2011

Iranian jokes like any other joke are usually for the entertainment. To make jokes and enjoy them is a universal human characteristic manifesting itself in all cultures and in many different forms. Humor plays a prominent role in society as an instrument of social and political criticism. In Iran, humor plays the main role in social and political criticism. Iranian Humor of a particular kind is frequently about a specific ethnic group, such as Turk, Rashti, Lor, Arab, Kord, etc. Each ethnic group has a unique and special characteristic: The Turk are foolish. The Rashti are stupid dishonor men (their honor is gone). The Lor are stupid thugs. The Kord are stupid bully boys. The Arab are stupid horny boys. Now lets take a look at some Iranian jokes:

[a modern version of an ancient Iranian jokes] One day a Rashti and his wife go to Tehran with their car. A group of thugs take the Rashti out of his car and make a circle around him. They tell the Rashti to stay in the circle, and if he steps out they will beat him. The Rashti stands there while the gangsters start messing up his car, and f-u-c-k-ing his wife so badly. The Rashti starts laughing. They hit the car, and f-u-c-k- the wife, even harder and the Rashti is still laughing. By the time the car and the wife is totally screwed up, the Rashti is laughing is ass off. The guy asks him why the hell are you laughing while we are f-u-c-k-ing your wife and your car. The Rashti says, “ha ha, I stepped out of the circle three times and you didn’t see me”

A Rashti is asked: “Do you believe in the hereafter, a life after death? ” he says: “Yes, 100%, because I was born two years after the death of my dad.”

A Rashti old saying says: “When you come back to your house, slap your wife’s face. You don’t know why you slap her, but she knows the reason”

A young Persian man excitedly tells his mother hes fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, ‘Mom, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one Im going to marry.’ The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, ‘Okay, Mom, guess which one I’m going to marry.’ She immediately replies, ‘The one on the right.’ ‘That’s amazing, Mom. You’re right. How did you know?’ The Persian mother replies ‘I don’t like her.’

You could be Iranian : -“If the title of Dr. has been added to the beginning of your name, since you started writing and sending crap to Iranian Websites” -“If you are a senior citizen and collect your retirement from Iran, benefits from Denmark and social security and disability from America” -“If you live eleven months a year in Iran but you spend one month a year in America, only so your Green Card does not expire” -“If you’re a grocer and they call you Sarhang (Colonel); If you are a cab-driver and they call you Doctor; If you are a butcher and they call you Mohandes (Engineer); If you are a cook in Chelo Kabobi and they call you Ostad (Professor); If you are a billionaire with a lavish lifestyle and they call you Darvish (spiritual and non-materialistic person)” -“If you’re a young Exile born Iranian Swedish Monarchist, under the impression that there are 70 million Iranians cheering for Reza Pahlavi and ready to establish Constitutional Monarchy, yet you have never been to Iran” -“If you are now living in America for a month, yet you already forgot Persian and you speak English with an Italian Bronx Accent” – “If you were in jail in Iran for forgery and fraud, but in America you claimed Political Asylum to get a Green Card” -“If you were in jail in Iran for prostitution, but in America you claimed you are a tortured Bahai to get a Green Card”

An one-dollar bill of a Turk fell into a toilet. Then he threw a $100 bill into the toilet, and after that he hardly tried to pick both $1 and $100 bills out of the toilet. Some guys ask him: “Why did you do that?” he says: “Because it had to be worth trying”

A Persian asks a Turk: “Which of whom you love more: “your mother” or “your father” ?” he says: “your mother”

A comparison between an International Hero, Fidel Castro And an Iranian Zero, Reza Pahlavi : “Castro went full time in Jungle to make Revolution, Reza Pahlavi went full time in bedroom to make babies in hope of making a son. Castro is Man O Destiny, Reza is Man O Pantry. Castro put money into the cause to build a nation, Reza Pahlavi took money out of Iranians’ mouths to live a luxurious life, not to mention.”

Mohammad entered his classroom. “What is your name?” asked the teacher. “Mohammad,” answered the kid. “Here in France, there is no Mohammad. From now on your name will be Jean-Francois,” replied the teacher. In the evening, Mohammad returned home. “How was your day, Mohammad?” asked his mother. “My name is not Mohammad. I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois.” “Ah, are you ashamed of your name?! Are you trying to disown your parents?! Your heritage?! Shame on you!” And she beat him. Then she called the father and he beat him very hard. The next day Mohammad returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: “What happened my little Jean-Francois?” “Well Miss, 2 hours after becoming French, I was attacked by two Arabs.”

One day they ask a Turk if some one gives the world to you what will you do with it? he said: “I will sell it and buy a Canadian visa”

A Turk goes to a Carwash, but without his car. They ask him: “Why don’t you bring your car?” he says: “Because my office is only a short distance away, and so I decided that I walk here.”

On a plane there was an American, an Englishman, and an Iranian. After 5 minutes the pilot says that they have to much weight on the plane and need 1 person to jump out of the plane. The Englishman stood up and said ” I’M DOING THIS FOR THE GOOD OF THE UK”. After 10 more minutes the pilot said he they still have to much weight on the plane and need 1 more person to jump out. The Iranian stood up and said`” I’m doing this for the good of IRAN and pushed the American out”

You could be Iranian : – “If your mother breaks up your marriage; If you talk behind your wife with your mother” -“If, when going to concerts, you spend all the time in outside hallways drinking, smoking and chasing girls -“If going to the concert with your wife; however, ending up at another table with someone else’s wife.” – “If you rip Barbari Bread in pieces and throw them in your Clam Chowder Soup and eat it Abgoushti Style” -“If your favorite drink is vodka; If your favorite nonalcoholic drink is vodka lime and 7up.” – “If carrying the title of Doctor, Professor, Engineer, etc., before your name; however, the closest you got to a college, was peeping at the girls’ dorm during your freshman year, before you dropped out and become a Grocery Store Owner and a part time politician” – “If you get caught shoplifting a pair of $2.99 earrings, while wearing a $7,000 pair of gold and diamond earrings of your own” -“If you are a Charlatan but you call yourself an attorney, or journalist; If you are fixing Green Cards for people but you call yourself a paralegal” -“If you claim that you are a nonsmoker in public, yet you smoke 3 packs a day in hiding.” -“If you claim that you are not an addict, yet you been smoking opium for 14 years; If you enjoy Russian Vodka, Persian Opium, and Turkish Hashish.”

It’s funny, isn’t it?! In fact, the above jokes are not bad. But unfortunately 99% of good Iranian jokes and humors are only in Persian language, and they have not been translated into English. We should try to translate some of them, here in our website. In traditional Persian society the gathering of friends was a situation where humor thrived in the witty conversation of the guests as well as in the songs with which they were entertained. The witticisms and jokes that spiced the conversation of courtiers are also exemplified in the collections of occasional verses and quatrains to be found in the collected poetry of almost any Persian poet. Sadis Golestan, which contains many witty stories, was composed with the purpose of providing his friends with narrative material that could be useful in social life. Obeyd-e Zakani, of Qazvin, is one of the greatest Iranian humorist, who lived in the 14th century CE. Obeyds intention was to criticize the social and political degeneration of his own days. A political background is undeniably to be understood in the humorous fable Mush-o Gorba (The mice and the cat). His Resale-ye Delgosha (The heartwarming [or cheer-making] treatise) is a collection of funny stories. Iraj Mirza, whose humorous poems published in the 1920s are still very popular, defended in particular the case of women in Persia. Iranian have some funny ancient characters like Mullah Nasreddin. Mullah (Molla) Nasreddin is a character who appears in thousands of stories, often a fool or the butt of a joke. We would write more about it later.